the king zucchini

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KING ZUCCHINI.
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One of my favorite bands is an Italian rock outfit called Afterhours. I describe them to the uninitiated as a band that came of age during the height of early 90s grunge/alternative rock, but didn’t split up, and so have matured into the kind of band people thought Nirvana or the Pixies might have been. I discovered them while on a trip to Italy, when I walked into a record store in Padua and asked to hear the Italian equivalent of Radiohead or Pearl Jam. They recommended Afterhours, and I bought “Non E Per Sempre” there. It was interesting, but also strange (see below), but I was intrigued enough to pick up a few more albums when I was in Rome a few years later. And then I was hooked. Since then, I’ve gotten my hands on as much of their music as I could find. I’ve even seen them on a few of their North American stops. Recently I went back and listened to their albums again, and decided to write my own addition to the endless sea of music literature. Germi (1995)It’s heavy, fuzzed out, psychedelic-drenched guitars noise from height of grunge with a punk undercurrent. In other words, fast. But this is just the mechanism that carries us, and where it takes us is a landscape full of melody and high adrenaline performance. The crew on this ship are awake and alive like only someone can be at a Friday night show in a club that is more energy vibe container than building. Hai Paura Del Buio? (1997)Relevancy is something every artist strives for. The ones that achieve it seem to pull from the reptilian parts of our brains that are instantly engaging and familiar, yet can’t be completely understood and so feel fresh every time. This could easily have been two albums, either ending with “Voglia un pelle splendida” or starting with it. These songs feel polished without being reductive. They also feel impromptu without being sloppy. It’s the energy at the heart of each one, and as you listen through the first half into the second half, the punk, hardcore, grunge, instrumentals and piano tracks feel more like an audio manifesto of what’s sonically possible when musicians get together than an exercise in “let’s try and prevent anyone from pigeon holing us.” Non E Per Sempre (1999)The nebula/afterglow of the supernova that was Hai Paura Del Buio?. These songs are further down the rabbit hole. The psychedelics are even more swirling, creating ebbs and flows of a strange sea. The pop moments are more fragile and beautiful than before. This artistic vision is fully realized, which makes it the strangest album of their catalog, but also the one that feel like old standards when played live, or when you come back for a listen after a few years. 

Coming soon: Siam Tre Piccoli Porcellin, Quello Che Non C’e, Ballads for Little Hyenas, I Milanesi Ammazano il Sabato, Padania, other recordings.

One of my favorite bands is an Italian rock outfit called Afterhours. I describe them to the uninitiated as a band that came of age during the height of early 90s grunge/alternative rock, but didn’t split up, and so have matured into the kind of band people thought Nirvana or the Pixies might have been.

I discovered them while on a trip to Italy, when I walked into a record store in Padua and asked to hear the Italian equivalent of Radiohead or Pearl Jam. They recommended Afterhours, and I bought “Non E Per Sempre” there. It was interesting, but also strange (see below), but I was intrigued enough to pick up a few more albums when I was in Rome a few years later. And then I was hooked. Since then, I’ve gotten my hands on as much of their music as I could find. I’ve even seen them on a few of their North American stops.

Recently I went back and listened to their albums again, and decided to write my own addition to the endless sea of music literature.


Germi (1995)

It’s heavy, fuzzed out, psychedelic-drenched guitars noise from height of grunge with a punk undercurrent. In other words, fast. But this is just the mechanism that carries us, and where it takes us is a landscape full of melody and high adrenaline performance. The crew on this ship are awake and alive like only someone can be at a Friday night show in a club that is more energy vibe container than building.


Hai Paura Del Buio? (1997)

Relevancy is something every artist strives for. The ones that achieve it seem to pull from the reptilian parts of our brains that are instantly engaging and familiar, yet can’t be completely understood and so feel fresh every time. This could easily have been two albums, either ending with “Voglia un pelle splendida” or starting with it. These songs feel polished without being reductive. They also feel impromptu without being sloppy. It’s the energy at the heart of each one, and as you listen through the first half into the second half, the punk, hardcore, grunge, instrumentals and piano tracks feel more like an audio manifesto of what’s sonically possible when musicians get together than an exercise in “let’s try and prevent anyone from pigeon holing us.”

Non E Per Sempre (1999)

The nebula/afterglow of the supernova that was Hai Paura Del Buio?. These songs are further down the rabbit hole. The psychedelics are even more swirling, creating ebbs and flows of a strange sea. The pop moments are more fragile and beautiful than before. This artistic vision is fully realized, which makes it the strangest album of their catalog, but also the one that feel like old standards when played live, or when you come back for a listen after a few years.

Coming soon: Siam Tre Piccoli Porcellin, Quello Che Non C’e, Ballads for Little Hyenas, I Milanesi Ammazano il Sabato, Padania, other recordings.

N: A List Of Famous Doorbells
- “Ding-dong!”- “Bing-bong!”- “Bling-bling!”- “Bzzzzzzzz!”- “Bing dong bing bong, bong bong bing bong.”

N: A List Of Famous Doorbells

- “Ding-dong!”
- “Bing-bong!”
- “Bling-bling!”
- “Bzzzzzzzz!”
- “Bing dong bing bong, bong bong bing bong.”

Dear Readers,

It’s been about 3.5 years now since the King Zucchini started up. Thanks for reading. I’m excited to say I’ve recently been published in Split Quarterly’s SPACE issue, which you can read here: Inner Astronomy

It’s about an acquaintance who grows up in one universe, and finds himself having to live in another.

And that’s not all. More stories of mine can be read at a number of reputable online fiction outlets:


Walter

A young couple move into an old house, only to discover they’re not exactly alone. And they’re not exactly in agreement that it’s all that bad.


Too Good Not To Be True

When getting trapped at a Thanksgiving dinner becomes entertaining.


Trilobites

Neighbors, and the awesome responsibility of letting their cat out.


In the future, I’ll be better about posting here when a story gets published elsewhere. In the mean time, watch this space for more of the King Zucchini.

Noise

Libraries are loud places, full of coughs, grunts, footsteps, thuds, sneezes. Basically, proof we’re as noisy as steam engines.

Train stations are interesting places, full of traveling information, maps, timetables, people from around the country and world, shops that sell “necessities”. Basically, proof we’re distractible even in the loudest place.

County fairs are vibrant places. Something as simple as an apple pie becomes cutthroat competition. It’s hot under the sun, it’s bright under the lights. Animals people have raised from birth line halls. Rickety rides we’ll take the chance on line the midway. Proof we can take an open field and fill it with a cornucopia of noise.

Noise

Libraries are loud places, full of coughs, grunts, footsteps, thuds, sneezes. Basically, proof we’re as noisy as steam engines.

Train stations are interesting places, full of traveling information, maps, timetables, people from around the country and world, shops that sell “necessities”. Basically, proof we’re distractible even in the loudest place.

County fairs are vibrant places. Something as simple as an apple pie becomes cutthroat competition. It’s hot under the sun, it’s bright under the lights. Animals people have raised from birth line halls. Rickety rides we’ll take the chance on line the midway. Proof we can take an open field and fill it with a cornucopia of noise.

N: A List of Famous Silences- Before the Big Bang- That piece by Philip Glass- Every dropped call- The Thanksgiving dinner table after one of Larry’s jokes.

N: A List of Famous Silences
- Before the Big Bang
- That piece by Philip Glass
- Every dropped call
- The Thanksgiving dinner table after one of Larry’s jokes.

Q: When the Death Star blew up planets, did that screw up the tidal forces of those star systems?
A: (Long pause)(Deep breath) Yes.

Q: When the Death Star blew up planets, did that screw up the tidal forces of those star systems?


A: (Long pause)(Deep breath) Yes.

Excerpt from an essay entitled “Portrait of the Consumer as a Young Man”When I lived in London, I found it like most young Americans abroad do: expensive. So I found myself in front of the vending machines in the building where I worked. They had three of them. Coffee, soda, and one full of snacks and candy bars. On my second day I found out that the coffee in the coffee machine was not only half the price as the coffee in the canteen, but also American style (poured out of a pot vs. whipped out of an espresso machine). I became a regular customer. From there I branched out to the vending machine,biting my lip as I decided whether to get the Twixt or the Snickers. After a while, the machines and I had an excellent business relationship.

My favorite was the coffee machine. Not only did it provide me with a (small) cup of diner-esque coffee, but it also gives me my change in twopence. Twopence is the most worthless coin I have ever had the pleasure of clinking in my pocket. It is worth a mere two pennies, but is larger than an American fifty cent piece. For a whole week, the machine was warning us that there was no change to dispense. It still did, but it was obviously getting low. One day I pushed the return button for my change, and I heard it drop but nothing landed in the catch.  I investigated, and found that the door that swings back to allow access to the change was jammed up, and with a little prying it swung down again, and jackpot!  I had over £2 in pennies, twopence, and five pence coins. When I marched back to my desk with a coffee in one hand and a treasure trove of twopence in the other, one coworker asked if I had mugged the coffee machine.

Excerpt from an essay entitled “Portrait of the Consumer as a Young Man”

When I lived in London, I found it like most young Americans abroad do: expensive. So I found myself in front of the vending machines in the building where I worked. They had three of them. Coffee, soda, and one full of snacks and candy bars.

On my second day I found out that the coffee in the coffee machine was not only half the price as the coffee in the canteen, but also American style (poured out of a pot vs. whipped out of an espresso machine). I became a regular customer. From there I branched out to the vending machine,biting my lip as I decided whether to get the Twixt or the Snickers. After a while, the machines and I had an excellent business relationship.

My favorite was the coffee machine. Not only did it provide me with a (small) cup of diner-esque coffee, but it also gives me my change in twopence. Twopence is the most worthless coin I have ever had the pleasure of clinking in my pocket. It is worth a mere two pennies, but is larger than an American fifty cent piece.

For a whole week, the machine was warning us that there was no change to dispense. It still did, but it was obviously getting low. One day I pushed the return button for my change, and I heard it drop but nothing landed in the catch.  I investigated, and found that the door that swings back to allow access to the change was jammed up, and with a little prying it swung down again, and jackpot!  I had over £2 in pennies, twopence, and five pence coins. When I marched back to my desk with a coffee in one hand and a treasure trove of twopence in the other, one coworker asked if I had mugged the coffee machine.

A Quirk of GravityEvery time I’m high up on a ladder, I tend to curse it. It haunts us with each passing year, and gives great material to “You’re turning 40!” greeting cards. Even in our dreams, we’re fighting it: imagining flight as only birds and hot air balloons know. When I was 8 and saw a globe for the first time, I thought people didn’t live any further south than the Mason-Dixie Line. I wondered why I never saw photos of the shelves that they must have built to make more room for people.  Then I discovered gravity, and everything changed. Even though we spun around on the planet, we were held down by gravity due to the mass of the earth in time and space. But think about a planet that operates like my 8 year old mind thought it might. We’d all live on the northern hemisphere. No one would ever vacation anywhere nice. Unless you liked skiing. You’d think twice about rolling down a hill. And the death sentence would have an edge-of-the-earth option. Then again, there’d be no penguins. What kind of a world would that be? I suppose then here’s where gravity chimes in as the cosmic voice of reason, as the level-headed realist who pretty much is always right. This is serious business, after all. Think of the penguins. I’m with you, gravity. Good work. But I sure wouldn’t want to be stuck next to you at a dinner party.

A Quirk of Gravity

Every time I’m high up on a ladder, I tend to curse it. It haunts us with each passing year, and gives great material to “You’re turning 40!” greeting cards. Even in our dreams, we’re fighting it: imagining flight as only birds and hot air balloons know.

When I was 8 and saw a globe for the first time, I thought people didn’t live any further south than the Mason-Dixie Line. I wondered why I never saw photos of the shelves that they must have built to make more room for people.  Then I discovered gravity, and everything changed. Even though we spun around on the planet, we were held down by gravity due to the mass of the earth in time and space.

But think about a planet that operates like my 8 year old mind thought it might. We’d all live on the northern hemisphere. No one would ever vacation anywhere nice. Unless you liked skiing. You’d think twice about rolling down a hill. And the death sentence would have an edge-of-the-earth option. Then again, there’d be no penguins. What kind of a world would that be?

I suppose then here’s where gravity chimes in as the cosmic voice of reason, as the level-headed realist who pretty much is always right. This is serious business, after all. Think of the penguins. I’m with you, gravity. Good work. But I sure wouldn’t want to be stuck next to you at a dinner party.

N: My phone tells me:when to get upwhat the internet is sayingwhat’s in my inboxwhat the score is.

N: My phone tells me:
when to get up
what the internet is saying
what’s in my inbox
what the score is.

N: The white noise of doom. The panning effect of doom. The deadening effect of gloom. The acoustic bounce panel of gloom. The wah wah effect of bloom. The adrenaline of zoom.

N: The white noise of doom.
The panning effect of doom.
The deadening effect of gloom.
The acoustic bounce panel of gloom.
The wah wah effect of bloom.
The adrenaline of zoom.

The Midway
Went to the fair. Walked the Midway. It’s all bright lights and fun and all kinds of people, more diverse than you see at the rest of the fair. I see why it was such an influence on Bradbury and the ilk. It’s so different than the cultural influence the internet has on us. The internet is flat, the Midway is round.

The Midway


Went to the fair. Walked the Midway. It’s all bright lights and fun and all kinds of people, more diverse than you see at the rest of the fair. I see why it was such an influence on Bradbury and the ilk. It’s so different than the cultural influence the internet has on us. The internet is flat, the Midway is round.

N: It was a good day. And now I will relax.

N: It was a good day. And now I will relax.

Attention Potato Bug on my wall. Where’d you come from? Where’re you going? Should I kill you, or are there more of you somewhere, in which case I’ll probably break one of your legs so the other five can carry you back to the nest and tell everyone to get the heck out of there. I know potato bugs don’t swear. Any creature who’s defense mechanism is to roll up into a ball that looks like dung is so inoffensive vulgar language is beyond its grasp. Your defense mechanism is basically ‘flick me!’ so you land in a possibly less threatening situation. Nice one. Wait! This gives me an idea, potato bug. You’re perfect for daytime TV. Do you have an agent? No? Don’t move, I’m going to make a few calls…. Ok, I’m back. What do you think of Kelly Ripa? You’re on in two days. Hey!! Where’d you go? Nuts. I should have broken his leg.

Attention Potato Bug on my wall.

Where’d you come from? Where’re you going? Should I kill you, or are there more of you somewhere, in which case I’ll probably break one of your legs so the other five can carry you back to the nest and tell everyone to get the heck out of there.

I know potato bugs don’t swear. Any creature who’s defense mechanism is to roll up into a ball that looks like dung is so inoffensive vulgar language is beyond its grasp. Your defense mechanism is basically ‘flick me!’ so you land in a possibly less threatening situation. Nice one.

Wait! This gives me an idea, potato bug. You’re perfect for daytime TV. Do you have an agent? No? Don’t move, I’m going to make a few calls…. Ok, I’m back. What do you think of Kelly Ripa? You’re on in two days. Hey!! Where’d you go?

Nuts. I should have broken his leg.

SkywatchApril 23Looking to the western half of the sky. Pretty good visibility. Although I quickly discovered there were clouds obscuring some of the best and brightest parts. Let’s face it, I’m not impressed with late spring constellations. Too many of the long, skinny guys. I like the boxy ones. Spotted: Big Dipper/Ursa MajorLeo MinorLeoArcturus

Skywatch

April 23

Looking to the western half of the sky. Pretty good visibility. Although I quickly discovered there were clouds obscuring some of the best and brightest parts. Let’s face it, I’m not impressed with late spring constellations. Too many of the long, skinny guys. I like the boxy ones.

Spotted:
Big Dipper/Ursa Major
Leo Minor
Leo
Arcturus

TV ShowsShiat-SueIt’s about a massage therapist who solves crime. It’s the new hit show on channel 27. These days, TV shows are made by the makers of Clue, I guess. Person, location, object. Although it’s maybe more of a person, profession, quirk. Sue, massage therapist, fights crime. Alan, train conductor, raises hostas. Sheila, admin assistant, races sailboats. Alf, unemployed, lives with an Earth family. There are only setups, of course. You need to add a villain. But you have to have more than one, otherwise the show will resolve itself in season 1.Go ahead, pretend you’re a Parker Brother. Invent a TV show using these items:PEOPLEThe Tall ManThimble GirlAliceFrenchieAugust Maximillian Watts IVA couple of third gradersWashed up video game mascot(add your own)PROFESSIONSeamstress/tailorGunslingerGrade School Bus DriverVideo game expertCheese makerPencil sharpenerVice President of the United States(add your own)QUIRKHates papayaSolves crimeCreates crimeRobs robbersFalls in love easilyNeeds to save grandmaOwns a sloth(add your own)

TV Shows

Shiat-Sue

It’s about a massage therapist who solves crime. It’s the new hit show on channel 27. These days, TV shows are made by the makers of Clue, I guess. Person, location, object. Although it’s maybe more of a person, profession, quirk. Sue, massage therapist, fights crime. Alan, train conductor, raises hostas. Sheila, admin assistant, races sailboats. Alf, unemployed, lives with an Earth family. There are only setups, of course. You need to add a villain. But you have to have more than one, otherwise the show will resolve itself in season 1.

Go ahead, pretend you’re a Parker Brother. Invent a TV show using these items:

PEOPLE
The Tall Man
Thimble Girl
Alice
Frenchie
August Maximillian Watts IV
A couple of third graders
Washed up video game mascot
(add your own)

PROFESSION
Seamstress/tailor
Gunslinger
Grade School Bus Driver
Video game expert
Cheese maker
Pencil sharpener
Vice President of the United States
(add your own)

QUIRK
Hates papaya
Solves crime
Creates crime
Robs robbers
Falls in love easily
Needs to save grandma
Owns a sloth
(add your own)